ready or not

Hello people! [不知不觉, because I don’t have an accurate translated word in English] we have unknowingly lapsed into my last full week in Hong Kong. In about 10 days, I’ll be Singapore-bound!! I accepted the offer from my university only two days ago, but in those two days, I’ve read up on how to matriculate, how to apply for various things, and basically prepared myself emotionally, that it feels like I’ve been ready for this since forever. Which isn’t really true. My parents wanted me to go to the other university I applied to, but this one (my first choice!!) replied me first, so… Yep.

Anyway, the past two days have been a huge rollercoaster ride of emotions, from thinking about being homesick and then becoming homesick, fear of drifting apart from everyone, excitement at the prospect of starting something new, overwhelmed at how hands-on everything seems to be… The list goes on. In this time, a bunch of thoughts keep resurfacing – things I’m so excited for, and things I’m not-so-excited for.

READY! :) not :(
  • being responsible for my living area, meals, and other things
  • a different style of learning and hopefully the start of more neat and efficient note-taking
  • hanging out with my new friends, who will be living a lot closer, if not on campus!!
  • hanging out with my current friends, who will be going to the army!! (lmao)
  • going out to buy household supplies
  • struggling with school because maths and physics
  • the whole uni experience, basically
  • for the friends I hang out with now to become classified as “secondary school friends”
  • being unable to access some websites/ videos because of where I am in the world
  • sitting in my own room knowing my sister is right next door, even though we never socialise that much
  • missing meals with my family… y’know, just having everyone there eat together
  • missing my helper, who’s always taken care of and fussed over me from when i was young, and always has my best interest at heart
  • being homesick, precisely because i’m in a place so similar to home, but isn’t
  • for all my friends to be scattered all across the globe, like 10 timezones away

At the end of the day, despite the long list of things I’m not ready for, life doesn’t exactly give me a choice. It makes the choice for me, and I’m grateful because I’m kind of… y’know… forced to accept it and move on. According to my friend, by the time everything starts to happen – orientation, making friends, attending class – I won’t have time to notice how I’ve drifted from my current friends. It’s more than sad to think about and realise at this point of time, but in two or three weeks… it won’t even matter anymore. That’s downright tragic.

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