(I’ve been writing a lot about myself recently and how I feel and everything internal but I think I’m at a time in my life where I need to reflect on myself to move forward so just kind of bear with me for a bit.)
I went out with my friends today and I thought it paralleled something from 3 years ago. Back then, there was a group of people I called my friends, but I always felt like I didn’t really fit in, and was only there because my boyfriend and best friend were there. Most of the time, I felt left out, and it kind of embarrasses/ pains me to admit but I used to beat myself up over it, telling myself they wouldn’t notice or would be happier without me around. At the same time, I really didn’t want to miss out group hangouts with them.
Today I went out with my boyfriend (same boyfriend) and his (best) friend and it was really fun! Although 70% of the conversations they had just flew over my head because it wasn’t anything that I followed, I didn’t feel left out because I listened in anyway, didn’t let narcissistic thoughts ruin me and didn’t shut myself out. I don’t dwell on where else I could have been at the same time, who else I could have been hanging out with, what other fun I could have been having; I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago. And I’m more than happy with that.