first-half-of-2017 feels dump // this isn’t goodbye

Ok, here we are. It’s June 30th and that means we’re on the last day belonging to the first half of the year. I can’t believe 2017’s passed by so quickly. Like… time is just passing by so quickly it doesn’t feel like anything. I barely remember starting IB, I barely remember all the struggles of EEs and IAs, I barely remember finishing exams and going on grad trip… Everything’s just kinda floated by and I’m also floating by. :(

Anyway, I graduated secondary school on Tuesday, had a blast of a night, it went great, but… it still hasn’t sunken in that I currently have no idea what’s next. I’m still waiting for results to come out next Thursday so I can decide on which university to go to. I think the issue is that there’s so much more to look forward to that I don’t notice when the events come and go. It doesn’t feel like I just left the only school I’ve known (sorry, kindergarten!), doesn’t feel like I won’t be starting school with this bunch of people again, doesn’t feel like… anything. It’s not even that I’m numb, it’s just that… there isn’t really anything. Yet? I’m not sure what’s worse – this feeling, or (probably) waterfalls from my eyes and twisting in my heart when everything finally hits me.

Maybe it’s that I don’t think this is goodbye yet. Summer isn’t over, there is still at least a month left before everyone flies off, so I can still see everyone. Graduation wasn’t goodbye for us, it was mainly just goodbye to the teachers. (Our yearhead couldn’t make it to our graduation dinner and I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty upset we couldn’t see her one last time.) So, yeah, knowing that I can still see everyone takes a lot off the feels graduation supposedly gives you. Even after everyone leaves, the world is only that big, and I’m sure if everyone makes the effort, we can and will still see each other again. I guess I should be kind of sad that we won’t be going to school anymore, but school was only ever memorable and fun because of the people, and thinking about still being able to spend time with them keeps me going. :)

(I needed this. I was feeling pretty dejected and overly attached to my friends but at the same time struggling so hard with myself to back off and not seem too desperate. Writing all this out made me feel a lot better. I’m now more ready for what life is gonna throw at me tomorrow.)

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