I’ve been feeling kinda (for lack of a better word) down lately. It’s not that I’m particularly upset over anything, but it’s just like… life is a whole big ‘meh’. Being dreary and unenthusiastic has become the new normal.
For one, the gloomy weather isn’t helping. I appreciate the rain most of the time, but I’m starting to sorely miss the clear blue skies whenever I look out the window and I’m met with grey clouds.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve been thinking about how ‘before you’re your parents’ kid, sibling’s siblings, etc., you’re your own person‘. It never made as much sense as it did a few days ago – before you take up any other identity, you’re your own person. I generally like being alone. I just don’t like feeling lonely, which I do now. It’s come to the point where I don’t enjoy spending time with myself as I used to, but it’s not that I want to spend time with friends, either. (See how life is becoming one big ‘meh’?)
Thinking about doing things I like doing (drawing, writing, going out) just earns a really half hearted ‘meh’ from inner me. I don’t want to do any of my homework (I mean, who does?), I don’t want to study (usually I wouldn’t mind), I don’t want to do anything. At the same time, doing nothing doesn’t make me happy either. I don’t know what else to do but to sleep it off, but even that isn’t helping anymore.