undefined = authenticity?

“Tell me more about yourself.” / “How would you describe yourself?” / “What makes you different from other applicants?” University interviews are coming up soon (at least, I hope they are) and while I do like an in-depth conversation about intellectual topics (aka not gossip), I hate talking about myself.

Like… where do I begin? How do I say things about myself without sounding too self-depreciating, or too narcissistic? If I can accurately describe who I am as a person, doesn’t that show I’ve put way too much thought into myself, and haven’t enough time pondering more important, worldly issues?

I live without being able to put into words who I am as a person. (What are my personality traits? What do I like? Dislike?) I’m fine with it; in fact, I’m more than happy with this arrangement. I feel that if I lay down some of my distinctive traits, I’ll start to act in accordance with it, and poof, there goes my free will. What I’m trying to say is that if I think I’m dumb (or insert any other arbitrary adjective here), I’ll constantly try to live up to that standard, and my life will be full of choices I made to seem dumb (basically pretending to be dumb). 

I see this as a limit to how much you can grow and change. I mean, if you’re constantly, consciously trying to prove that you’re one thing, how will you know when you’ve shifted away from being that one thing? Why not just let yourself grow naturally, without putting your mind to what you should be?

I’d really rather be judged by how I act, what first impression I give off, etc., than straight up tell someone how I’m like. One of my close friends (let’s call her P, because why not) thought I was a total bitch at first, but once we started talking more, her impression of me changed. If I were to have told her straight away what kind of person I was, would we have arrived at how we are today? Nah. And there goes the importance of forming your own opinions about someone.

At the same time, does not defining yourself make you more genuine and authentic? Does oblivion allows you to become more “you”; does ignorance allow nature to take its course? From personal experience, I feel like it does, but I guess I understand the importance of knowing how to describe yourself as well.

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