conservation of luck

I’m a huge believer of luck, ever since that one time in Primary 2, I scored full marks on the end of year Maths paper. I was pretty average – no friends, average grades, average height, the like. So I absolutely couldn’t, didn’t, wouldn’t believe that I had worked for it and gotten it; it had to be luck. I mean, I know it wasn’t entirely a fluke; I did work for it and in some ways it paid off, but I’m still going to credit luck that I didn’t make any careless mistakes.

But I don’t believe that luck is infinite.

I believe, like how charge, mass and energy, and heat are conserved (and how karma comes and goes), luck is also conserved. (Which is ridiculous, because how can you apply a scientific law to a concept you can’t even prove is tangible? But hey, don’t you get a little paranoid when life is going too well, too, because you think something bad might be in store?) We’re probably all born with the same amount of luck, set to be spaced out among different intervals of our lives. So for every bit of extra good luck you get, you’re either “borrowing” it from your future, or you’re taking it from someone else.

Because of this, I have this (irrational) fear that my future won’t turn out too well. My life so far has been relatively smooth. In fact, I’ve definitely been luckier than most other people I know (or so I think):

– I’ve dropped my phone countless times and it finally cracked on me last month. And even then, the crack is just one straight, smooth line. My friend has dropped her phone a total of less than five times, but for some odd reason, it stopped working and she had to get a brand new one instead. Welp.

– My first relationship was relatively/ comparatively smooth. Despite the ups and downs and the eventual what-the-fuck kind of breakup, at least we knew for sure that our feelings were mutual. Compared to my second (his first) relationship… well, I wasn’t even certain if I liked him, so… sucked to be him.

– I have good friends who I’m pretty sure (most of who) don’t bitch about me behind my back. I mean, we’re bound to maybe complain about each other, but it’s nothing lasting and nothing malicious.

So yeah, definitely more well-off than some people. Which, again, is why I’m a little apprehensive about how my future will turn out. I know it’s a ridiculous idea, but… what if I’ve used up a lifetime of luck already? :/

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