intimate thoughts

i. reality sets in harder with each passing day, and I start to believe less in the idea of ‘soulmates’ or ‘true love’. for one, I don’t understand how, with so many places and so many people on earth, people manage to find ‘the one’. logically speaking, what are the odds of them being in the exact city you’re in as well, let alone meeting them at all? and how are you sure that they simply are ‘the one’? maybe the idea of ‘true love’ is so romanticised that looking at my parents, while I can see how much they still do care for each other, marriage just seems to be a long-term agreement and settling with each other, finally accepting that this is the best you can do. and maybe true love is just that – acceptance.

ii. at sixteen, hearing the words “I hate you” isn’t the end of the world. ironically, while this was the one ultimate insult when we were kids, at this point, it’s just a childish retort when someone does something mildly offending, or to your distaste. most of the time, we don’t even mean it. things like “you disappointed me” and “I had such high hopes from you” hit a lot closer to home; disappointment hurts more than rejection, although both boil down to the desire of being good enough, to be accepted.

iii. I’m not afraid of death, per se, but I’m afraid of missing out on things – I always have been, though that’s a story for another day. (personally I believe in oblivion after death) I don’t know and I don’t care if death will be painful, the thought of never seeing your friends and family laugh, never seeing colour clouds in the sky, never smelling crisp early mornings, never exploring and never embarking on another adventure on this world… every moment is unique and so precious, never to be experienced again, so please make the most of life, carpe diem, cherish every occasion/emotion/notion and let it overwhelm and consume you.

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