Sometimes I feel absolutely awful and most of the time it’s because no one’s there and all I have is this screen in front of me and my words and my thoughts and they don’t shut up and it’s awful and it’s hellish and it never ends and no one’s there to distract me and all I have is myself and I’m all alone and I can’t escape.

And even though it gets slightly better I know for a fact it’s still here because there’s no balance without it and there’s no yin without yang and there’s no such thing as a standalone object because there’s always an opposite and then I get pulled down and I don’t know why or what and it’s suffocating and it’s hard to live but it’s easy to breathe and easy to continue surviving and I can’t escape.

Then I think back to happier times when I didn’t give a fuck and I don’t know how I managed it I can’t picture myself laughing at what a five-year-old would and all the colour is gone and I don’t know how I could have been so carefree and I don’t know how I was so oblivious and it suddenly hits me why some people feel this way and I understand now but I don’t feel anything and even though I’m trying to I can’t escape.

It consumes me and all I can envision is darkness and I’m swallowed in an infinite stretch of nothing and I’m blind to all light but my body is still here and everything is physically okay but my mind is sick and my soul is in ruins and I can’t escape.


3 thoughts on “And

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