Overwhelmed

Summer has just begun (I graduated about a week ago) and I’m already anxious about not amounting to anything much. (I guess this is just gonna be another filler post until I sort my life out)

It’s a little ironic that I’m worried about this. Like my friend said (jokingly), I literally won an award for doing things. Over the past school year, I dabbled in a lot of extra things in addition to classes. I helped design a few pages of the yearbook, I tried to do as much as I possibly could for the council I’m part of, despite being on study break, I helped out with a fashion show my school organised, and I organised a huge part of our graduation dinner. Oh man.

Last summer, I wanted to do a lot. Like this summer, my goal was to exercise more. Three days into jogging in the morning and I fell sick. After that, I did nothing much except sleep late and start the anime arc of my life. In a blink of an eye, my summer was already over, and it was back to school.

I remember thinking the first week of school was pretty chill. I was acutely aware of everything that was happening around me, for the first time. I made a lot of new friends this year. I must admit, the year ended pretty well. Everything’s tying off quite nicely.

For one, there are some people I won’t ever have to see again. Two, what ended like a frayed knot seems to be repairing itself right now, so I should wait around for that to complete. Three, someone just cut me off completely just a few days ago. (It’s not exactly a good thing, but it’s amusing to note that it’s been done so clean and well, it’s as if it were fate, scheduled right at the end of everything.)

This bit was a little irrelevant. Nevermind. I tend word vomit a lot when I’m overwhelmed. I guess this really is because I’ve held it in for too long and I want to throw everything out to sort through it. Spring cleaning for the soul, you feel?

So anyway, this year, I want to do more.

1. I remember telling myself I’d knit while watching anime, partly because I could give the scarves away in winter and buy more yarn over summer, and partly because I just want to do something with my hands.

2. I also told myself I’d work on a poetry collection. I finally have time for myself to write about something I’m really passionate about. It’s a tight schedule to stick to. If I’m not wrong, or if I’m not lazy, the first one should be out in 4 days. That gives me 4 days to prepare. I’m so excited! (Poems will be on my other blog(: )

3. I have to work on Christmas cards and birthday presents, because the next two years will be so intense I probably won’t have time for that.

4. I need to sort out who I am. What is my dressing style? What is my writing style? What do I do with my love life?

5. I want to create so many things. Wrapping paper is so pretty, and I bought three rolls, so I want to make something nice out of it before it starts to rot. I also want to cook food, because I’ve been out of practice.

6. Seriously, I should exercise. Not just exercising my fingers and eyes when I use my computer, but actual running and stuff. I want to run again for the 24 Hour Race, and I want to be able to run away if someone ever confesses their love to me. Yeah.

So far, so good! Let’s hope that I can actually pull myself together and do all this.

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